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Renovation Mishaps


Because we spent the last week and a bit staying at my parents I haven’t really had to deal with the disaster of my house until this week. As you can see my house is a disaster and the only organization to it is all my daughters food and formula which I just laid out before coming to bed to write this post. Before today everything was piled into a laundry basket sitting on one of the tables I have in the kitchen. Considering I need that laundry basket in order to do laundry I had to empty and organize.
Other than that I haven’t really touched anything else. The house is so bad I don’t know where to start and it just makes me want to burn everything! Ahaha. Slowly but surely everything will get done and I’ll be able to re-organize everything. I can’t wait for that day to come.

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Mother’s Day

Happy (belated) Mother’s Day to all the mama’s out there.
This was my very first Mother’s Day! As a kid the most celebrating we ever did for Mother’s Day was giving my grandmothers flowers and making crafts at school to give to our moms. Other than that my family didn’t really celebrate Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. Since my boyfriend and I have been together we’ve attended his family celebrations of Mother’s Day & Father’s Day dinners.
I’m more of a wallflower, I prefer attention to not be on me. That does play a part in why I don’t really care for either days celebrations. I kind of rather not make a big deal out of it like the way my family did it. I always thought that you should show your parents appreciation throughout the year, or make an effort to. That one day doesn’t really mean much when there’s still 364 days out of the year when you could show it. Quite honestly the crap that parents put up with and take care of on a daily basis, kids should be showing their parents love and appreciation a lot more than just once a year.

I’m not bashing Mother’s Day, I just don’t think the huge gathering and celebration is meant for me. Who knows maybe next year when we implement our holidays strictly for our family we’ll include Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, I prefer intimate celebrations with our little family better than loads of people celebrating with us. We’ll just have to see what next year brings.

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Trailer Season

Spring is upon us, and that means trailer season has started!
This year is going to be very interesting and different. This is obviously the first year our daughter will be going to the trailer. I’m excited to be able to take her out on the boat, to the splash pad and swimming. However, one of the down sides to trailer season is her schedule. She’s normally asleep around 8, which I highly doubt will be the case when we’re at the trailer, especially since she’s going to have to sleep in a playpen… I don’t think she’s going to like it much.
On the other hand I might be totally wrong, she might sleep better at the trailer. I use to love going camping because I loved the smell of the fresh air going to sleep and loved the smell of dew in the morning. It was even better when it was raining!

Honestly, I hope she loves sleeping at the trailer considering we’ll be there every other weekend, or I hope that if she does have a hard time it doesn’t last too long. I would really hate for her to hate the sleeping experience.

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Writers Block

I’m going to start of by saying a HUGE thank you to everyone that leaves comments on my posts! I love interacting with all of you guys! Plus, it means so much to me and my confidence that you guys care about the things I write! Ahaha.

I received a comment on one of my posts from Rachael, asking me how I clear my head in order to write. Well the truth is… I am a mom, there’s no such thing as a clear head for writing now a days. LOL. When my kid is asleep and I have the opportunity to post I typically spend the same amount of time as you with writers block. I sometimes twiddle my thumbs for 10-15 minutes staring at the screen until something finally comes to me that I can write about. I’m lucky in a sense because of my topic for my blogging. I tried really hard not to limit myself to one specific type of blog so that way I was less likely to cross paths with writers block. I am a mom blog, but thankfully there’s always something I can post about because of it. I either have the option of sharing some disastrous crap she decided to take, or something new she’s learned how to do, or something I read on the internet that I would like to share my opinion on about parenting. So thankfully because of my kid and my blog topic I have all kinds of directions I could go in.
My tip would definitely be to not limit your creativity to one topic, so you don’t run into writers block very often.
I also tend to multi-task like crazy. So if I can’t figure out what to post about I’ll kind of just work on my blog and let my mind wonder until finally somethings pops into my head. If that doesn’t work I’ll just make a crappy post about everything going through my mind, which is basically the motherly/wifely duties I have to do (clean, laundry, prep meals for my kid).

So Rachael…. The truth is find a topic you are passionate about or deal with on a daily basis, so you always have something fueling the writing brain. I have also sat down on my more brainstormy days and made up a list of topics I could would have available the days I really can’t find anything to write about. I also personally love to meditate for about 10 mins, I feel refreshed and 9 times out of 10 I get some sort of epiphany afterwards that I can post about.
I hope this was helpful in some shape or form! Keep up the creativity and enjoy the writing process in all its glory! Good luck!

Blog

Not Enough Time

Why is sleep a necessity? There isn’t enough time in a day as it is. If I wasn’t required to sleep in order to function I might be able to get a lot more done.
Everything is very chaotic right now. Siri’s sleep schedule is MESSED up, now she won’t fall asleep until 11:30pm. UGH! She’s going through a phase where she won’t really sleep through the night. She wakes up 6 hours after finally getting to sleep which is something I’ve never had to experience with her. I can definitely say she’s throwing me for a loop with that. Her naps during the day don’t last that long, so I’m always struggling to get something done right after putting her to sleep because within 30 mins she’s up again. I’m always tired because I haven’t really been able to sleep properly. I haven’t had any time to update my blog regularly with the messed up schedule being in place.

I gotta say I feel like I’m really struggling. I don’t have the time to myself like I use to with her schedule being all over the place. My time for blogging is pretty much non-existent and will probably continue to be that way until I can fix her schedule. If I didn’t have to sleep I could get a lot more done. Ahaha.


That’s a picture of my kid playing with her toys at 11:00pm in our bed because what is a sleep schedule anymore!?

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Reno 101

The above picture is what happens when you notice that the drywall is wet and your boyfriend decides to say “screw it” let’s open it up and start more renovating…
I can’t argue with the idea because I love that we’re continuing our reno, but at the same time I’m like shiiiit I don’t want to deal with everything that comes with renovating. Especially when you have a infant that you’re trying to raise in that space. But I guess it works out in some ways because she has the option of going upstairs and hanging out with Nana, while we destroy walls and make a huge mess.

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Expectations

My boyfriend and I were talking today about how I feel crappy every time I look at our house because majority of the time it is never clean as a whole. When I do a thorough clean I end up always stopping half way and it stays like that for days sometimes weeks. For example, I did a wicked clean of our room, the hall and the kitchen last week when I talked about cleaning. Then it kind of just ended at the living room and the computer area. To this day that side of the house still hasn’t been touched.
This conversation I had with him then led into a conversation about how when I want to put off cleaning, my daughter and I go upstairs to my in-laws and essentially hide from the mess. I look at it as the less I am faced with it, the longer I can procrastinate. This continued into how it kind of sucks that we don’t have a completely function space yet, and how it would be a lot better if it was. Then of course, the money conversation started, about how we don’t have the means to continue the reno right now.

Having this whole conversation with him made me realize something. When we lived with my parents for 8 months last year, all we kept talking about was how we would prefer to have more than a room to ourselves. How different it would be once we moved in with my in-laws and were able to create our home. The realization that I had was that I’m pretty negative… I’m not the type of person who is always negative (at least not anymore), but when it comes to certain things my first thought process is negative. I love the family we’ve created, it makes me really happy. But I’ve always been the type of person that has been content with the way life is but not necessarily with the life style. I love my family but want a home, or more money, or a better job. There’s always something better than what I have. It’s always about possessions.
My boyfriend and I have always been far more mature than other people our age, but with that maturity I always forgot how old we were. I always felt like we were slacking because we didn’t have our own home or (at the time) a family. The funny thing is we’re 22 years old, I shouldn’t have these expectations that we should own a home, as well as have a family. It’s unrealistic. Of course there is always going to be some things that I want to change or tweek, but I shouldn’t be trying to rush our life to get to our goal so quickly. Don’t get me wrong some people make a goal, they stick to wanting to achieve it and they reach their end game in a time frame that blows people’s minds. I’ve never been with good with making goals and trying to reach them realistically, because of that I’ve always felt like I have these unrealistic expectations which is a crappy way to live. With unrealistic expectations come disappointment which leads me to depression.

I don’t want to continue to look at my life like it should be at a different point. It becomes very easy to spiral and think things should be different or if time was to fast forward we would be at a different stage, possibly one where those unrealistic expectations are finally met. The problem with that is then I want time to fast forward, I want to get to those stages faster, but the reality is I don’t want to speed up time. If I did I would be speeding up the time we have with our family dog, and I would be speeding up the growth of my child, or the birth/growth of another. That’s not something I would want to lose just to be farther along on a ridiculous goal. I would much rather remind myself that although there are things I would like to change, there is time to worry about that later, I have to remember to stay present and enjoy it with my family. I have to stop wanting to rush certain stages. You can’t rush one stage without the other.

About Me, Blog

Mental Health

For as long as I can remember I struggled with my mental health. From being a kid to always being very anxious and to always thinking everyone was better than me. It was always some what manageable, at least that’s what I thought. Up until my grandfather died, then it got a lot worse fast. I never really asked for help, I learned to change my perspective with some help and I had to maintain it on my own.

I’ve never been diagnosed by a doctor because I’ve always had this wicked fear that they’re going to force me to be put on medications. It’s a personal choice that I want to find other methods before I consider meds, not that there is anything wrong with being on medications for depression or anxiety, I fully support and applaud those that choose that route.

I struggled substantially with my mental health, I worked my ass off to get to the point where I am now. If I had never put in the time and effort to help myself I wouldn’t have the relationship I have and I wouldn’t have my beautiful little girl. Having anxiety and depression is hard as shit, it’s tough to deal with.

If anyone ever wants to talk about being someone with mental health issues, I’m here to talk…always. I understand the struggles. Stay Strong my loves!

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Cleaning

I love going to my parents on the weekends and staying there so they have some time with my kid. But sometimes I love staying home. Especially on weekends that JD has off, it gives him the opportunity to really spend some time with Siri, and it gives me the chance to work on cleaning the house.

I hate cleaning and laundry soooooo much! But I have to maintain the house and make sure we have some clean clothes for the week to come. However, it’s awesome when we have the weekend to ourselves and I can get some much needed housework done as my man spends quality time with his child. When it’s all said and done I love the way a clean house smells and looks, it’s like all of a sudden I have all my shit together and I know exactly what I’m doing. It really helps when most days I feel like everything is chaos and I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. AHAHA!