About Me, Blog

Mental Health

For as long as I can remember I struggled with my mental health. From being a kid to always being very anxious and to always thinking everyone was better than me. It was always some what manageable, at least that’s what I thought. Up until my grandfather died, then it got a lot worse fast. I never really asked for help, I learned to change my perspective with some help and I had to maintain it on my own.

I’ve never been diagnosed by a doctor because I’ve always had this wicked fear that they’re going to force me to be put on medications. It’s a personal choice that I want to find other methods before I consider meds, not that there is anything wrong with being on medications for depression or anxiety, I fully support and applaud those that choose that route.

I struggled substantially with my mental health, I worked my ass off to get to the point where I am now. If I had never put in the time and effort to help myself I wouldn’t have the relationship I have and I wouldn’t have my beautiful little girl. Having anxiety and depression is hard as shit, it’s tough to deal with.

If anyone ever wants to talk about being someone with mental health issues, I’m here to talk…always. I understand the struggles. Stay Strong my loves!

About Me, Blog

My Relationship

I decided to share some of my story. Specifically about my relationship where it started and how it has gotten to the point where it is now.

It all started when we met in 2011. We ended up in the same applied math class in grade 10, first semester. We became friends and talked quite frequently. He eventually invited himself over to my house to watch the Step Up movies (I had never seen them), haha. We ended up not even watching that specific one, we watched a crap load of other movies. We became a couple at the end of grade 10, I actually dumped him while he was on a road trip to a different province (we’re Canadian). I remember he told me, he loved me. I thought it was a little out there, but I did believe him when he said that he actually meant it.

I was a very toxic and negative person back then, I did a lot of stupid things that I would eventually regret. Once I got some guidance and help, I started to fix my life. We kept in touch throughout the 2 years we didn’t really see each other. It was probably very dumb, but every time we talked I always wanted to make sure his feelings hadn’t changed, that he did still loved me. Sure enough, he always felt the same. I truly believe that deep down I had strong feelings for him always, I just didn’t think I was in a good place to become any thing more than friends.

It was the summer before grade 12 started, 2013, I was tired of being in the house all summer doing nothing but working, so I messaged him just to see if he would want to see a movie. We went to that movie and everything changed from that day forward. I was finally at the point in my life where I could trust myself to be in a relationship with him and not hurt him or do something stupid. From that moment on I loved him, just as much as he had always loved me.

Our relationship wasn’t always simple, it was very complicated in the beginning. We had to deal with family members that weren’t exactly fond of him, and had no fear in showing it. I lost the last grandfather I had left at the beginning of our relationship. He lost his great-grandmother 7-8 months after we started dating. That was the first time I took a plane, so I could go with him to the funeral and burial in a different province. It took a little over a year for things to finally mellow out.

I remember being told that the amount of love I had for him was just a honeymoon stage, that it would go away eventually. Or that he was unstable in ways. All those words just went in one ear and out the other, because I knew this was my person, that we were meant to make it work. We didn’t always have it easy but we always made it work. We’re now almost 5 years together and we have the most precious little girl. We’re committed to one another and we do our best to make everyday the best we can make it.

For all those people that thought we were young and stupid, that we weren’t going to make it. I would just like to say we showed you. We aren’t naive either, we know that the world still has a lot to throw at us and we aren’t perfect. But we agreed from day one that we would try our damn hardest to make this last until 6 ft under, and we live by that. We’re the farthest thing from a perfect couple, but we work through our differences and we cherish every moment we spend together, as well as a family.

To my person, my ride or die. I love you so much! I’m so freaking proud of us and our family! Forever and always!